The Whistling Kid of Woolwich

For the first time in ages I went further east than the Peninsula retail park and headed for Woolwich. Namely to go to Wilkinsons there because they are great for cheap home-DIY stuffs. Anyhoo.

Wandering the shop and I come around the corner to a couple with one kid in a pram and another, slightly larger kid in tow. I grab my adhesive hooks and poster frame I’m looking for and move along.

While in the stationary area they encroach on me again. And now the upright kid has a whistle. And it is possible the world’s loudest, shrillest whistle. And she is giving her all. And her parents seem utterly indifferent to it. Meanwhile me and all the other punters are grimacing at the piercing of our ears.

Everywhere I go in the shop, this family follow me. Right up to the tills. A breakthrough happens when another till is opened and I high tail it, hoping to leave the Whistler behind. No dice. I make it out side and start hearing that distinctive, drilling sound coming up behind me.

Quick! To the Tesco across the street! Blast, the crossing light goes red. And oh god they’re beside me now, kid still playing the hell out of that thing. A break in the traffic and I nip across the street. Yes! Looks like they are going another way.

That giant Tesco will destroy us all!
That giant Tesco will destroy us all!

I (somewhat happily) have a look around the new, massive Tesco. I think it’s the noisiest one I’ve ever been in. However, it is big enough that it will probably have perogies so I make for the refrigerated section.

No. No, what is that sound? Hells bells, that kid is in here somewhere, and has clearly not run out of wind or interest in blowing that damn whistle. Come around a corner and there they are. Run. Run for the tills.

I made it out without them following me. And I got perogies, so win win. But what a terrible day to not have any headphones on, let alone ones that keep the outside outside. Maybe this is the sort of stuff I’m missing out on all the time.

Author: andrea

A Londoner from eastern Canada. City of London Guide, fixer of Macs, collector of old video games, appreciative of synths.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *